Nah Don't say a word about it. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. SOULMATE: I accept the ASSuming Award. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. 2023 FemaleFirst Ltd. all rights reserved. He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. It didn't feel real. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. Good luck. He screamed and raged and then left to the lake and sent me a text saying he cannot trust someone who would make an unwise decision like that. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." And, he did little favors for me. Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is [1] that they're anonymous and [2] people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. he said if i started making out with another girl, hed be into it, but if i started getting carried away and disappearing with (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken. 8=) ) Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. 3 Ways to Keep Guilt From Ruining Your Relationships Arun, I agree with everything you said here because I was guilty of kissing a guy I liked when I was drunk, knowing that I liked him and wanted to see how much.". Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. I don't know why I need that so much, but I do. :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. She said this is how it starts. Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. My thread is called Hurt and Confused. Lets get down to the basics here. . like, by not investing his heart too much via (wait for it) an optimum amount of kisses and cuddles, etc? Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. I felt sick! That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. "what the hell where we at?" Better safe than sorry. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. I wanted to go further with him, but I didnt nor did he push for anything more. Own your truth- You did not expect to hear the REAL TRUTH and the RIGHT ADVICE. Shes said thats it. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. What? Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. I waited for the right time ?? If you kissed a stranger while you were drunk, dont worry about it. Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? She had gone to bed. SO if you shouldn't, then A) you should be able to tell him, and B) if he's the type to hit the roof over a kiss, he's a wee bit paranoid for his own good, and it wouldn't be *your* fault. Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. focus on you and your DH. I merely stated from the above that lips are a part of foreplay. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. Being married is something that can be quite complicated at times. But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. Make lemonade out of them. Kissed another man. Distraught by my feelings. | Mumsnet My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. Mattia Insolia, Cieli in fiamme (Mondadori) con Valentina Berengo I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh? I'm not married nor have I ever been married. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Feeling guilt when dumping the guy : r/datingoverthirty Login first I'm 5 years married to my best friend. Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. Ill bet you got drunk on purpose because you wanted to kiss him/her.. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. The fact he told you very soon after is good. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! [1] you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. An innocent kiss usually involves getting so plastered that you lose your inhibitions and someone tries to kiss you and you return the kiss. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. Wife of 8 years straddled and flirted with my friend last night while drunk My Girlfriend Kissed Another Guy whilst Black-Out Drunk. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you it's okay. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. I agree. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! He also sent me a mean text that said for me to go f myself and to stay away from him. Take it away, expand if you please! Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. I calmly told him that I wasnt in love with him, but I did feel some attraction and that I accepted the liquor and the kiss because I was curious to find out if there was anything between us. And if you're not confessing - to the victim - you're dodging doing time. Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. You're denying him that right and being selfish. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. The playing field is even now according to statistics. female I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. Alcohol does not change that fact. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. (Sorry you got cheated on. I know true remorse when I see it. 5. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! find me on and follow me on. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. But the guilt is killing me. Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. female I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. If this is bothering you, then tell him. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? Your guilt is your punishment. They say don't tell the wife or husband about the infidelity, because it would cause more hurt. Secrets have no place in a marriage. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. And a stitch in time saves nine. The straight guys get into it, theres no doubt they even end up biting the LGBT guys. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. :-*. An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. There's nothing wrong with feeling an attraction to another person when you're in a relationship. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; I'm mortified. Or run away? My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. I was dating thus guy for 6 months and he stopped calling and texting. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. Try to let it go and forgive yourself. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. Other way around. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. I couldnt take it so I told him. Not just to you. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there? What if your husband ever found out? I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. Shes Colombian and very fiery. I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. ;-p When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. This recently happened to me. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. 3. I told him straight away what had happened. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. My wife wants to leave because of this. It didn't feel real. That left just me, the man and another woman. ;-). I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. 15 votes, 25 comments. (I wonder why.) Forget about it! Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. Ugh, basically. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. Look at your first kiss after divorce as a new beginning, a new chapter. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. Would they be as lenient? (works every time :-p) ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Oh, I'm sure he'd be able to forgive her, LOYAL GIRL. Do you? There is more going on. When my husband came home, he could tell right away that I had been drinking. Tell boyfriend another guy tried to kiss me? - GirlsAskGuys He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? Okay. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. Hi Scope! At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. I kissed another man four years ago. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk or get the other person drunk in order to find out if they have any chemistry with each other, and they temporarily forget about the fact that they are already in a relationship with another person. Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. I was very drunk. That's a lot to take in. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? Biological ones. Y'know what it all boils down to the lips. Yup. For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. I think your just another female using your man until a better option comes along your husband should dump you because one of these days your going dump him if he doesnt. Period. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. I felt disorientated. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. Please help. female Then (my name) I NEED SEX! I noticed him kinda touching my hand a bit but I didn't pull away. The way it happened-not so good! It's not worth the headaches, nausea, acid reflux, stomach pain, or insomnia you may be experiencing. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Well, then, let me enlighten you. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. 10 Things You Didn't Know About Guilt | Psychology Today Anyway I'll get off this post now. Chelsea X Leeds - Ao Vivo Grtis HD Sem Travar | Futebol Grtis HD See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. Thank you. I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! I'll see you over there. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. That is what separates the women from the girls. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. Just my opinion. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. I'm taking it day by day. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. I also agree with SUSIEDQQ that is won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her or her marriage. Any advice guys? I like him so so much and I know I was just being drunk and ****. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A Pointer much appreciated, though. With the other woman just across the room! He Have Lipstick Stain Or Make Up Stain On His Face It's an obvious sign that someone kissed him. Don't feel guilty. You want me to go on a comma and replace her. I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. Can you tthan please explain this? So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! The video shows twogayguys(fellow vloggers Jordan Jayro and James Butler) partner with four straight men togive them their first man-to-mansnog. I rather throw it all out in the openbe honestapologize for my mistakeand be ready for the consequences. | I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. But fine, then 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? But you can control whether you nurture the crush or acknowledge it and move on. If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why?